Hot Topic: Family Support in Times of Tragedy

CYFERnet would like to offer our condolences and support to the survivors and families impacted by the horrific events in Fort Hood, Texas. You will find below a message released by the Tragedy Assistance Program for Survivors (TAPS, see below for contact information) followed by several resources on CYFERnet that may be of assistance for those of you working with the children, families, survivors, and communities impacted by this tragedy.

TIPS FOR SUPPORTING FAMILIES GRIEVING SOLDIERS KILLED IN THE FORT HOOD SHOOTING TRAGEDY

WASHINGTON - The horrific tragedy at Fort Hood has sent our nation into mourning, and many want to know how to express their condolences and support to the families left behind. Reaching out to express condolences is a natural and heartfelt reaction to tragedy. TAPS, the Tragedy Assistance Program for Survivors, offers the following tips for those seeking to express sympathy and support to the families of those who died at Fort Hood.

Be understanding. The surviving families are in tremendous shock in the immediate days and weeks following the death of their loved one. Understand that families may need to be focused on making important decisions about funerals, memorial services, benefits, and a host of details. The family may not be able to respond to you right away or express their appreciation for your thoughtfulness.
Respect their privacy. Grieving families who have experienced the traumatic death of a loved one may need their family and close friends around them. Please allow them the privacy and space they need to get through what are going to be difficult days.
Think beyond flowers and food. Often bereaved families will be overwhelmed by gifts of food and flowers. Consider making a contribution to a charity or memorial fund in honor of their loved one. Often families will specify a charity or organization that their loved one was involved with or supported, and find this type of donation particularly touching.
Send a card. A card can express your sympathies and be an important reminder to a grieving family of your care and concern.
Simply express your condolences. If you talk with a family member, say you are sorry for their loss, or say you want to offer your condolences. That's enough. Avoid saying things like "I understand exactly how you feel," or "It was his (or her) time," or "He (or she) wouldn't want for you to be sad."
Show your support. In many communities, a procession is held when a fallen service member's remains are brought home. Consider standing near the processional route to show your support for the family. Bring an American flag, carry a sign that expresses your feelings, and stand in respect to honor the sacrifice their loved one has made for our nation.
Attend a memorial service. If a memorial or funeral service is open to the public, consider attending. Your presence can be a valuable support to the family, which appreciates knowing that their loved one is being remembered by many. Some families may need to observe their funeral ceremonies in private. If that is the case, please respect their wishes and be with them in your thoughts and prayers.
Offer skills or services to help the family. If you are a business person who can offer an in-kind donation to help the family that will help during the funeral process, such as limousine services, public relations assistance, or event management aid, consider donating your time and services.

Additional Resources to Support Families and Communities from CYFERnet

Stress, Trauma and Post-traumatic Stress Disorders in Children
http://www.childtrauma.org/CTAMATERIALS/PTSDfn_03_v2.pdf
This report is a great resource for understanding the basic psychological principles of Post-traumatic stress disorder in Children. Well written, strong anecdotal evidence and clearly intelligible graphing make this a useful report for educators and families alike.

The Effects of Traumatic Events on Children: Materials for Caregivers
http://www.childtrauma.org/ctamaterials/effects.asp
This is a fact sheet describing the three basic stages of the Traumatic response in children. This resource may be helpful for front line caregivers to identify and address children affected by a traumatic event.

The Child's Loss: Death, Grief and Mourning
http://www.childtrauma.org/ctamaterials/loss_care_f1_02.pdf
This article contains answers to questions that are frequently asked by adults working with children who experience a traumatic death or event. The authors have a few suggestions on how adults can help children deal with loss. This resource is designed to benefit parents, families and educators.

Death and Dying
http://www1.cyfernet.org/hotnew/05-05-Death.html
A collection of fact sheets designed to help educators and family address questions about death and dying from children. Topics include: Helping children After A Disaster, Children and Grief, Young Children's Understanding of Death amongst other.

Navigating Children's Grief: How to Help Following a Death
http://www.childgrief.org/documents/HowtoHelp.pdf
This simple, easy to read and distribute chart offers a age and stage breakdown of death , the feelings associated and possible ways to help.

Cuando la Guerra es noticia
http://www.ces.purdue.edu/terrorism/War-Spanish.htm
This essay, in Spanish, offers ways to recognize and address the effects of trauma in children. It also offers some potential solutions and resources.

Learning to Live Through Loss: Grief and the Mourning Process
http://edis.ifas.ufl.edu/FY881
This fact sheet addresses grief and the mourning process and how to assist family members in the process.

The National Center for Post Traumatic Stress Disorder
http://www.ncptsd.va.gov/index.html
This web-site is a great resource for information centered around Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. This site has resources for all levels, from child guides to community level PTSD information.

The Virginia Tech Shootings: Helping Your Children Cope
http://www.kidsgrowth.com/resources/articledetail.cfm?id=2270
This FAQ is designed to help parents address the feelings and questions that arise when children are impacted by a traumatic shooting event. This resource is based on the Virginia Tech shootings but the resource can be applied to any situation.

How to Talk to Kids about Violence
http://www.parentingpress.com/violence/intro.html
A resource from Parenting Press to assist parents in discussing violence and tragedy with their children.

Purple Wagon
http://www.extension.purdue.edu/purplewagon/
A website for those interested in helping parents and children explore and discuss terrorism, war, and peacemaking.

Helping our Children Deal with Shocking Events
http://www.handinhandparenting.org/articles/helping-our-children-deal-with-shocking-events.html
This site offers information to help parents talk with their children about tragic and shocking events.

War and Peace in Children's Literature
http://www.cynthialeitichsmith.com/lit_resources/diversity/War_Peace/war_and_peace.html
This bibliography was developed in response to numerous teacher requests for assistance with curriculum tie-in books, especially as related to tolerance.

Fear and Courage
http://www.nncc.org/Guidance/dc16_fear.courage.html
This page fro m the National Network for Child Care offers suggestions to help caregivers assist children in dealing with their fears.

The National Center for Post Traumatic Stress Disorder
http://www.ptsd.va.gov/
A website from the US Department of Veteran's Affairs that is dedicated to providing information on Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.

ABOUT TAPS TAPS is the national organization providing compassionate care for the families of America's fallen military heroes. Since its founding in 1994 by bereaved military families, TAPS has helped more than 25,000 surviving family members and offered services to assist caregivers supporting families coping with a military death. Services are provided free of charge. For more information go to www.taps.org or call the toll-free crisis line at 800.959.TAPS. TAPS released the above advice on November 5, 2009.